Patiently

In Corinthians, there is a passage about love stating that "love is patient".

I thought going home would allow me burst all the burdens in my chest to him. I was determined to get explaination, clarification and plans of what will happen next. I was determined to if not end at least start again. But when I saw him, I just realize how he needs me. And all my determination went away with just a hug. I aint selfish and I know seeing him that his going through a lot and I'm half the blame of it, I know. Our distance really has taken it's toll on him and he is just helpless.

I'm disappointed in me cause I really wanted to settle our differences and the gap but he said, Just a single hug from me will wash all his tears away. He needs me to give him strength, a friend, motivator, a sister. All his lapses, his shortcomings as a boyfriend, I forgot them all. I know, he had many shortcomings to me to the point where I felt he is unworthy of all my love and sacrifices and efforts cause I'm not getting them back. But I do understand him and I choose not to forsake him.

Now, I'll be patiently understanding him and waiting for him. I know deep inside he loves me, there are just some things or many things we differ but I'll patiently wait until God unveils what's in store for the both of us. I'll patiently wait and while waiting I'll be his friend, his family, his sister. I'll patiently wait until he sees what I see but If I get weary and if this won't happen, I lift it all to HIM.

Patiently, I will wait until he meets me halfway.

'til BOY MEETS GIRL.



xoxo
ROseHYAcinth

STOP

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred  minutes. How do you measure a year? How about 3 years? How about love?


I wonder what had happened to us. I thought it was all good but then, maybe I was wrong. Because all we have now is hurting each other. Pride. Blame. Issues that are just carried over and over again. Can't we stop, hurting each other? Making each other cry and breaking each other's heart and worst, tearing each other apart. God knows, I've tried so hard to understand you but I also need to be understood by YOU.


I've been holding for so long because I am not that selfish person that will just hang you up in the air. For the most part, I'm thinking of you that's why I'm holding on even wounded and bruised by so many pains this love affair had brought. I don't want to hurt you, to leave you nor abandoned you because you only have me but you are pushing me away. So far away and I'm hurt. So hurt. We don't meet halfway. I'm giving you all the chances in the world, all the chances for you to give me reason to still hold on. Why can't you see? I'm losing my grip and it's all up to you.

Tell me, when should I stop? When should I let go? When should this pain stop? When should your pain stop? Tell me. Am I gonna stop dreaming for us? Am I gonna stop trying for us? How am I supposed to grow old with you? Being WITH you, does not mean the physical presence so you are wrong in saying Im not with you because I AM. How about you, are you WITH ME?

When should I STOP fighting? When should I STOP hoping? When should I STOP so that I might MOVE ON? Cause dadi, love just aint enough. SO TELL ME.

The Warrior is a Child (not a song review)

Yes, you read it right: The warrior is a child. This is not a review of the song with the same title but the song is definitely a chunk of this post. I might as well start this one with these lines from that song.

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Ever felt very low in your life?  like you don't belong anywhere??? that somehow you lost track of where you are heading or simply you were just LOST?

I was or rather, I AM.

The year started lonely for me.I have to work for the New Year's week as part of my choice not to work during Christmas week. Well, you see, it is either Christmas or New Year. I guess that is just part of life. I chose my break to be during the Christmas week because there are a lot of special family occasions including my 23rd birthday that fall on that period compared to the New Year's and indeed i thought, NO! i knew I made the right choice.

The long awaited Cebu home visit turned out to be very worth it. All the expenses from plane tickets, to pasalubong, to food trips, to Christmas gifts are just ignorable compared to the feeling of being HOME. That 10-day vacation passed by so fast that I felt, I still have a lot to do but no time at all. I haven't see my college or even high school best friends. That's LIFE, again! Then comes going back time. Having that far-away look in my eyes but I didnt cry when I saw Mama crying again no matter how many times we've done that. 

When I was back in Manila, it wasnt until I searched for my door keys that I realize I was already in tears. All of a sudden I felt empty. the house is empty, I am alone, it was lonely. That Sunday, Dec 27,2009 I was crying to death. It was like the first time I was away, no, it was way harder than before. All I could do was cry. That feeling of sadness, loneliness, emptiness didnt get off me since then. 

New Year's eve: I was at the office seeing the marvelous fireworks displays of the rich and wealthy villages in the vicinity of Ortigas. From the 32nd floor of our building through our glass window, I saw how the skies being lighted by those fireworks. I called home to let them know I'm okay and I go through it just to not make them worry but my heart deep inside was really crying. It was HARD. IT IS HARD.

But I am a self-confessed optimistic person so I always get to say to myself, "there's a purpose for everything" like I always do. I belive that GOD has a great plan for me. I am the person that don't dwell too much on the negative. All my life, I've been being strong because a lot and I mean A LOT depends on me. I could not give HOPE when I myself loses hope. I could not give strength when I myself is weak. For all of my life, i am the one giving strength.

Why now? Why do I feel so WEAK? so UNIMPORTANT? so OUT OF PLACE? so LOST? I miss HOME, my comfort zone, the environment where all people baby me. I am BADLY missing HOME and I really don't know how this would go. 

Sometimes, I just have to drop my sword and cry for just a while, 'Cause deep inside this armor. The warrior is a child.