Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Dreamt of Yazi

It was only after the 13th day after Mama passed away that I was able to have a glimpse of her. I did not have any hint or clue or feeling that on the 25th of January 2012, she will leave us. I wanted to see her as soon as I knew about it. I wanted to feel her, even just her soul. I wanted to hug her once more even just in a dream or even just in my hallucinations but no.

At her wake, I almost didn't sleep waiting for her to appear and tell me everything will be fine and she is happy but still I couldnt feel her not even a single goosebump, not even in the wind or the scents of the people passing by. Oh how much I miss her, it makes me wanna cry more but no I can't cry hard enough.

Even at the last glance of her dead body, I was hoping she would talk to me but no even up to the moment where we have bury her just right beside Papa's tomb where she always wanted to be. I know she is in a happier place and away from all the pain and suffering but we still have lots of dreams together. Oh Mama, I love you so much. I'm gonna miss you.I'm hoping and praying that finally you and Papa have met in heaven.

On the 7th of February or the 13th day after her passing away, I had this dream. It was not about her but she was there. It was about Yazi - a baby girl in my dream. That baby was mine, my own daughter. I was carrying Yazi. We were on a shed with some people and Mama was one in them. Then, a man asked "Where did Yazi got her looks?" Before, I was able to answer, Mama said "Can't you see her forehead, isn't it just like mine?" and everyone nodded as if to agree.

I really don't know how to interpret the dream. May it be Mama's way of telling me that she will always be around for me til forever. And what does baby Yazi mean? I really don't know.

Maybe it was her assurance to me, that whatever will be, she is always with me. I actually tried looking thru the internet the meaning of the name Yazi and here's few of the few I found:
  • The name of Yazi gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature. 
  • You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others. 
  • This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression. 
  • When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed. 
  • Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way. 
  • You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing.
  • While the name Yazi creates the urge to be creative, independent and original, we point out that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a tendency to be moody.

The one thing I'm sure of right now is that if I'd be given a daughter one day, I will name her Rose Hyacinth just like my blog name and I shall call her "Yazi" and when she gets old she will be called Azing or Asing just like her Lola (my Mama Asing).


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